Did you know: very conclusive research says that if you want to turn a decent parent, someone who has all the makings of a good parent into a bad one, just add stress. The effect of stress is very corroding to families. Since we’re mammals, our stress reliably reduces quickly with other safe, warm bodies nearby. Humans we trust to be reliably respectful, attuned and warm. Without meaningful connection with other people we care about, your stress can become overwhelming. 

How is your own stress playing out in your life with your kids? 

Parents need less information (can you say: instagram, tik tok, shelves of books?) and more support in order to lower their stress. Information without essential, enduring and comprehensive support can become part of the problem. To metabolize parenting information and tools we need repetition and consistency. Adding in the support to experiment, fail, try again is a game-changer.

I recently had the pleasure of facilitating a group of wonderful parents through a six-week class designed to teach invaluable tools, but also to create a space that feels safe enough for them to be their real, unvarnished selves. We parents carry more guilt, shame and perfectionism than is healthy, and it’s stressful! We can’t reduce these emotions without other people, because we tend to believe our own thoughts, and we heal best in relationships. We are literally wired to do life in community.

Our emotional life drives our stress load to a large extent. Parents need other people who can listen while they cry, or stomp or shake with anxiety…and laugh uproariously. Imagine having people you feel safe enough with to show up completely unvarnished, able to recount your darkest moments to, the sort of thoughts you might not even tell your therapist. 

When parents hear other parents voicing these “dark” thoughts and emotions, shame starts to dissolve, because we realize we all have versions of these moments. In a sense, these moments are not personal, but we don’t know that without repeated experience of being compassionately witnessed by others who are not trying to judge or fix us. 

You may be thinking, well I have great friends and we talk honestly about our lives; I have a good community. But have you ever had regular, calendered  time with someone you trust so much you can tell them absolutely anything, and they don't try to give you advice or feedback? This is the promise and experience of a well-held parent support group or a Listening Partnership. 

Interested to learn more? Read this >>