WHY HAVING HONEST MOM FRIENDS IS CRITICAL TO YOUR WELL-BEING

By: Kelly Brown   |   June 24, 2021

When I became a mom, I suddenly found that all the things that made me feel happy and healthy had changed.

My relationships with friends went from long brunches to text messages that I’d forget about and respond to weeks later during a 2:00am feeding. Long runs by the lake in Chicago, where we lived at the time, were replaced by leaving my crying baby in the childcare room at the local gym while I checked my phone and wondered if a staff member would call me to pick her up early. The Sunday afternoons spent trying new recipes with my husband were replaced with worries about milk supply, and a body that no longer felt like my own. 

In those early days, I struggled to find myself and make sense of my new identity. I longed for connection. I wondered if I was doing a good job. Yet when I looked around, it seemed like everyone else had it figured out. It seemed like their babies didn’t cry from 4:00pm–10:00pm every day, like they were easily nursing at music class, like they’d embraced their new identities and found themselves in their new bodies. 

To make matters worse, the flawlessness and ease I perceived as I looked around at the moms in my community, were reinforced by the media in false and dangerous ways with messaging around, “bouncing back” and “normal” milestones.

It wasn’t until I met a few moms who were open and honest about what they were experiencing that I realized I wasn’t alone. Hearing other women share openly about struggling with constant feedings, postpartum anxiety and a loss of identity, felt like having a weight lifted off my shoulders because I realized all the things I was going through were normal and expected. In hearing their experiences, I recognized this was the start of a new chapter and new chapters are supposed to be challenging. 

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In hearing their experiences, I recognized this was the start of a new chapter and new chapters are supposed to be challenging. 

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I’m eight years and three children into motherhood, and as I reflect on my time as a parent and my work as a coach, I can see that honest friendships are critical to well-being. 

In these honest friendships, we share the messy, emotional and joyful truths about parenthood. We text photos of toy-covered floors, search for meaning in our careers, and talk about how difficult it is to feed children. We say, “you’re doing a great job,” and, “you need a break.” 

Possibly the most important reason my honest friends are critical to my well-being is because they’ve given me permission to be honest as well. The more honest we can be about the challenges we're experiencing with parenting, well-being, and otherwise, the better we're able to find connection and the help we need. 

The next time you have a chance to share the authentic side of parenting, do it, please do it. Speak your truth. You are not alone and you might just be the honest friend someone needs right now.

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