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Needing a Hand

Published on 3/3/2026

Nurtured Mommy
NEEDING A HAND

By: Denise E. Bailey | March 3, 2026

Recently I saw a post on Instagram that reminded me that we get so wrapped up in being a good mom that we forget we are just a girl in her 40s living life for the first time too. This really touched my heart and got me thinking about how my recent injury forced me to need a hand.

It was the Sunday before the last week of school in December. We had just gotten home from the most amazing weekend in Truckee celebrating our Cousin Christmas with family. Laundry was going and the girls were brushing their teeth, almost ready for bed. I went into our twins’ bedroom to open their window when the lock got stuck and caused my hand to slam against the latch. I was immediately in excruciating pain and scared. I knew something wasn’t right and feared that I had broken something…again.

I inherited a rare bone disease that caused a lot of fractures/injuries as a child. I broke femur (treated with traction), my tibia/fibula (three different times), my elbow (needed multiple surgeries and pins), my wrist, and I suffered from a Slipped Capital Femoral Epiphysis (hence the need for a hip replacement at age 38). I am a Shriners kid and forever grateful for their talented doctors and nurses who helped my body heal time and time again. The last time I hurt myself doing an everyday task was in 1992 and then within seconds, I was back to being an 11-year-old but in a 45-year-old’s body. I quickly remembered that I still have Type 1 Osteogenesis Imperfecta.

I was scared. I had to tell my inner child that we were going to be okay. I even thought for a moment that I dislocated it and tried to put it back in place. I went into Urgent Care the next morning and saw the X-ray technician’s face. It was a bad spiral break. I immediately got into a specialist in the city and then scheduled a second opinion the next day. I am so lucky, I don’t need surgery and it’s healed very well.

I have wondered for years if my breaking era was over. I met my husband in 1998 and, besides needing a hip replacement, he has never seen me hurt. Time and time again I’ve beat all odds. When I started my new career in Admissions at a Southern Marin school…there was a Shriners pen randomly in my desk drawer. I felt joy and fear seeing that pen. Fear that I may be in perimenopause and my hormones will eventually affect my bone density started to creep in.

This has been a wake-up call. We can’t push ourselves 24/7 trying to do it all. It is impossible. When I asked for help and was forced to accept it, my husband quickly lent a hand. Suddenly he had to do all of the laundry, dishes, cooking, packing lunches, and braiding our daughter’s hair. He took it over with joy and gratitude; so why didn’t I ask for more help sooner?

I think that in our journeys as women and mothers we forget to continuously give ourselves grace. This is the first time we’ve lived this chapter of our lives, yet we just expect to always do it all and do it well. I went back to work after the new year and struggled to type, carry things, and even pull up my pants. Most colleagues didn’t notice that I needed a hand, but those that did warmed my heart. I experienced kindness all around me and my daughters helped me more than I knew they were capable of doing. Our whole household shifted. Beds aren’t made every day even though I can make them again. My husband took over making breakfast for our girls and their lunches so I can get dressed for work. Our marriage got stronger because I needed him and he showed up.

I am working on diving deeper into those childhood experiences to heal that trauma. My gratitude has increased significantly for my body working as expected. I am committed to finding a way to build muscle, take the right supplements, and remember that I am not broken or fragile. My request for you…is to honor yourselves, so the universe doesn’t have to give you a wake up call that you need and deserve more help.

Denise is third generation Marinite who is dedicated to vulnerably discussing the not-so-pretty parts of this beautiful role of motherhood. She is inspired by her three daughters to help women manage their expectations, let go of perfectionism, and lean into their enoughness. Denise is a certified Early Childhood Educator (ECE) with a K-8 Multiple Subject Clear Credential who has taught it all from preschool to middle school. She works in an admissions role for a Toddler-8th grade Southern Marin independent school and has been writing for The Crier since September of 2021.