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Baby Babble
GOLF FOR FATHER’S DAY
By: Ashley Hoppe | June 2, 2022
I’m about two and a half months old and I swear my parents think I have no idea what they are saying. But, contrary to what they think, I’m able to understand every word. For example, there's been a lot of talk about this “golf” sport recently. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents’ voices, but too much of anything can be too much. Golf is taking a central role right now. It must be a popular sport because there is always some sort of golfing excursion on the TV. Not that I am watching that much TV, my parents don’t seem too keen on that. More so that I can hear the low tones, the steady cadence of the golf announcer from various rooms of the house. It's actually quite comforting and makes me sleepy. Golf must be something that adults use to help lull them to sleep. I can’t imagine something so exciting paired with such a tranquil voice. That and the fact that the people all look similar and are just trying to hit a ball into a hole over and over again. I mean, don’t they get bored? Don’t the spectators also get bored? There doesn’t seem to be much variance in this sport.
My dad must be extremely boring because I heard him saying that for Father’s Day he wanted to play golf. First of all, why would he not want to hang out with me? Am I not the light of his life? I have a much higher pitched and nuanced cry than the boring announcer and I am always doing something different such as crying or pooping. Second, he said he was going to be gone for about five hours. I’m sorry, but five hours of hitting a ball into a hole? Staring at the same green spot over and over? That can’t be fun at all. Also, you have to wear specific and constricting looking clothing. I know this, because usually dad wears sweatpants and a hoodie all day, but when he golfs he wears uncomfortable looking clothing. He keeps talking about how he wants me to grow up and be the next Tiger. I know I don’t know that much yet, but I know that I am a human, and therefore won’t be a tiger. I don’t understand what he wants from me. Does he hope I suddenly become a scary animal?
I think golfing must be something that runs in the family, and now I'm worried that my family is extremely boring. Dad always talks about the first time he golfed with Pops. Pops took him to his first golf course when he was five, and it became their activity that they would do together. Honestly, this seems like quite the repetitive activity. When you have golfed once, wouldn’t it just be the same every time? But I listen to Dad and Pops talk about all of the different courses they have golfed at, excitement lighting up their faces. I have never been more confused in my life when I see this. How can it be so interesting to them? They say they collect golf balls from each course, but how can they tell them apart? Isn’t a golf ball a golf ball a golf ball? Dad tells me he loves his ritual with Pops, and he can’t wait for me to join in, but I feel like I'm on the fence as to whether this golf sport is actually interesting.
I guess I'll find out in a few years, because that’s when he says he will take me to go golfing for the first time. I have no idea how I will stay entertained the whole time and not fall asleep from boredom. But, I guess some things I will just have to find out in time.
Ashley Hoppe lives in Novato with her husband Brett and their son Jackson. You can find her hiking or trying a new coffee shop. She’d be delighted to hear from you at ashlauwain@gmail.com.
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Book Picks: Celebrating Fathers Read >>
Gilead House: A Place of Hope and Empowerment Read >>
Golf for Father’s Day Read >>
How to See Through the Eyes of Love — An Easy Daily Mantra Read >>
June is for Celebrations Read >>
Weekend Adventures: Marin Beaches Read >>
Milkmen: How Dads Can Support Their Breastfeeding Partners Read >>
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The Summer List - Pandemic Edition Read >>
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