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At Home with ADHD
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH
By: Lannette Guerra | November 3, 2022
Hello November! As I type this, I’m still recovering from the storm that was in October and I barely made the deadline to turn in this article. I was sick for the first 21 days of October. What started as a cold quickly turned into an infection. I’d thought getting over COVID twice in 2022 was bad enough until I experienced the wonderful world that is a sinus infection. Thankfully, my ailments helped me figure the topic for this month's article and reminded me about the importance of being grateful when we are of healthy body and mind.
I’m sure you have all experienced it before. You get sick, or the kids get sick, and before you know it, everyone is sick. What is the first thing that comes to mind during these times? I think about how carelessly I take my health for granted during regular times. I usually promise myself that the minute I feel better, I will be grateful every morning and cheerfully exercise. Is this something you can relate to? The underlying ADHD issue is how getting sick disrupts your schedule and your “changes and transitions.”
As a person with ADHD, being sick is mostly the same as everyone else, except with the addition of, “well, there goes the neat schedule that has taken me x years to master and make a habit.” When I get sick, I get a double dose of brain fog, and my grit for life goes out the door. Trying to get back into a routine after coming out of a life disruption is an excruciating process that takes crazy amounts of adulting power. In my case, I wish I had the H in ADHD because at least it would mean I was feeling a tad hyperactive. Instead, I just sit there, wishing I could move my body, versus being paralyzed in the thought of how I can’t find the energy. Put that on replay for a couple of days after I overcome a life disruption, and I believe this is what others call “procrastination.”
Transitions in ADHD-land are complex. After being diagnosed late in life, I now recognize how I struggled for years to overcome minor changes in my schedule and life due to my neurodivergence. I can also see why my notebooks are filled with ways in which to structure, schedule, and organize every minute of my life. Even my college professors teased me over my intricate color-coded schedule pinned to my studio wall.
I also remember when I was pregnant how hard it was to find the energy to go to work every morning, especially during that first trimester. Then how breastfeeding while at work required having to schedule 15-minute breaks to go pump, and just how difficult it was to refocus after I’d stepped out of my hyper-focused flow. I needed printed schedules on the fridge to remind me how the milk had to be stored for x amount of time and alarms to remind me of everything just to survive. This was so hard for me, yet I pulled through with these neatly created schedules and time-limit structures. I had to reinvent the wheel and adjust my schedule constantly. After decades, I confess I still have not mastered my perfect flow. Every year a new schedule emerges, one I get comfortable with and married to until, you know, I get sick.
So, how has my view of being sick and schedules changed over the years, and what advice could this flawed person give others with the same struggle?
One of the biggest lessons I’ve been repeating to others and myself in 2022 is the importance of self-compassion and self-love. Aging has taught me what an annoying overachiever I was in my youth, and maybe if I hadn’t been so hard on myself then and my inner mentor hadn’t been so critical, I would not have struggled as much as I did. In hindsight, I should have taken the time to recover versus trying to balance it all when I fell sick.
I recently met with some young working moms and was utterly impressed at how self-aware they were of the importance of taking care of their mental and physical selves. Granted they worked in the medical industry, and had a leg up on the rest of us, but maybe times are changing, and females realize that if they don’t care for themselves, they can’t care for others. I remember when I was their age, I was not taking the time to exercise or get pampered when I had the chance. I was trying to be superwoman and show up every day with a face of bravado. I went to work sick; I put in overtime while sick, skipped lunch to pump, and even pumped while drafting in front of the computer.
Not today. Now I am aware of my reality. I can’t do this alone. I need support, mentors, partners, friends, family, and a community to keep my little world turning. And when I get sick, I rest; I take it easy. I make sure to take sick days. I sleep, take an extended vacation, and I recover. I need more time to recover than a neurotypical person, and it took me a long time to understand this. A hard lesson I now preach is that burnout leads to sadness and grief. I hope other young moms read this and understand that we can have it all, but not all at once. You must rest and be 100% present for the task at hand.
Now, for the magical formula for surviving this life as a neurodivergent. A formula I had to master before I even knew I had ADHD. The only way to function in a neurotypical world and bear with life transitions and changes is by doing the following and repeating that formula over and over again.
- Give yourself more time than you need to transition from one task to another; remember you have time blindness and giving yourself more time to complete tasks will alleviate the stress of deadlines or arriving on time somewhere. Half the time, your anxiety is because of the time blindness within your disabled executive functioning skills.
- Break things down into smaller steps and reward yourself after completing each task.
- Get into the mood. You need to be your own cheerleader, 24/7. To start a task, you need to psych yourself up however possible. I use music as a mood inducer. I have playlists that help me start tasks; I also have them roughly timed so that I know when the music stops, my task should be complete.
- Make life a game and smile.
We are emotionally driven people; this makes us human and unique, and when we get sick, our emotional regulation is hit with a double punch. Transitions are hard and painful for us neurodivergents. Even heartbreaks and breakups can make our little hearts suffer longer than usual. But we are also resilient, creative and funny people. We can do this! Take the time to grieve and rest; tomorrow is a new day. Wake up and turn that music up, blow your nose, and smile.
Lannette Guerra has a decade of experience working for large and small high-end residential firms, throughout Northern California. She holds a Bachelor of Architecture, a Bachelor of Arts, and is a LEED accredited professional. Before moving to California, she spent 4 years as an Exhibit Designer in Kansas City, MO.
She resides and virtually works for her current employer, from her home in San Rafael, CA. When she is not hyperfocused on work she enjoys hikes in the Marin headlands and couch cuddles with her family and furry friend. She is currently staying away from engaging in any new hobbies except for being a mentor & advocate of mental and physical well-being.
She is also a strong believer that the only way to build yourself to personal fulfillment and reach your true potential is to quiet the mind, eliminate distraction, and listen to what your heart has been telling you all along. Only then will you be able to see your authentic self reflected within your home, your soul, and in the workplace.